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There’s Nothing “Wrong” with You: Let’s Talk About the Stigma Around Kinks

  • Writer: Maya Attia
    Maya Attia
  • Jun 3
  • 3 min read

If you’ve ever felt shame or fear about your sexual desires, you’re not alone.

If you’ve ever felt shame or fear about your sexual or kinky desires, you’re not alone.


Do you consider yourself kinky? Kinkster? How do you think of yourself for having these kinks or sexual desires? How do you view yourself?


Many of us have kinks or fantasies that feel exciting, playful, vulnerable—or even healing, but because of cultural shame, misinformation, and internalized stigma, those desires can also come with confusion, embarrassment, or the worry that something is “wrong” with you.


There is nothing pathological about having kinks. What is harmful is the silence and judgment that often surrounds them. Because of this silence, kinks tend to exist in the shadows and the dark corners of our mind.



What is a Kink?

A “kink” is any sexual interest, fantasy, or practice that falls outside of what’s considered mainstream. That might include:

  • Bondage and domination

  • Roleplay or power exchange

  • Sensation play (e.g., temperature, light pain, restraint)

  • Voyeurism or exhibitionism

  • Consensual non-consent

  • Fetishes or specific turn-ons

Kink is about consensual, adult exploration—not harm. The kink community uses the acronym RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) or SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) to emphasize ethics and mutual respect.


Why Is There So Much Shame Around It?

For generations, kink has been misunderstood—or pathologized. It’s often portrayed in media as dangerous, deviant, or a sign of trauma. Many people are taught that sex should look one specific way: loving, gentle, and heteronormative. Anything outside of that can trigger judgment or fear.

As a result, you might find yourself asking:

  • Why am I into this?

  • Is this because of my past?

  • What would people think if they knew?

  • Does this make me “too much” or “not normal”?

This is where stigma lives—not in your desires, but in how you’ve been taught to see them.


The Truth: Kink Is Not a Diagnosis

Modern mental health research has consistently shown that having kinks does not mean you are mentally ill. In fact, people with kinks often report:

  • Higher levels of communication in relationships

  • More thoughtful boundaries

  • A strong sense of community

  • Greater sexual satisfaction

The key ingredient? Consent. When activities are consensual, negotiated, and rooted in trust, they are not only healthy—they can be profoundly healing.


What Kink Might Represent

For some people, kink is about:

  • Control: A way to play with power in a safe, contained way

  • Release: Letting go of roles or expectations

  • Connection: Deepening trust with a partner

  • Identity: Expressing a part of themselves that feels authentic

  • Healing: Reclaiming agency over past experiences

You don’t need to justify your desires. You just need space to explore them safely.


How Therapy Can Help

If you’ve never talked about your kinks in therapy, it’s understandable to feel hesitant. But a kink-affirming therapist can help you:

  • Unpack internalized shame

  • Understand your desires without judgment

  • Explore how kink fits into your relationships and identity

  • Create a safe, open space for sexual self-discovery

Therapy is not about “fixing” you. It’s about supporting you to live more authentically and with less shame.


You Are Not Alone

So many people carry hidden parts of themselves—desires they’ve never spoken aloud, fantasies they feel guilty about, questions they’re afraid to ask.

But you are not broken.You are not dangerous.You are not alone.

Your sexuality is allowed to be complex. It’s allowed to be playful, intense, weird, beautiful, and uniquely yours.


Looking for a Kink-Affirming Therapist?

If you’re ready to talk, I offer a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore all aspects of your identity—including your sexuality and desires. Whether you’re looking for validation, clarity, or just someone who gets it—I’m here to support you.


 
 
 

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