Navigating an Open Relationship After Years of Monogamy
- Maya Attia
- May 30
- 3 min read
What to Expect, What You Might Feel, and How Therapy Can Help
Are you opening up your long-term relationship for the first time?If so, you might be feeling excited, nervous, confused—or all of the above. Whether you and your partner have chosen to explore new connections, or you’re figuring it out as you go, transitioning from monogamy to consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is a big emotional shift.
This blog post is here to help you understand the feelings that might come up, why they’re completely normal, and how you can support yourself (and your relationship) through the process.
Why Do People Open Their Relationships?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but common reasons include:
A desire for sexual or emotional variety
One or both partners exploring their sexuality (e.g., coming out as bisexual)
Wanting more personal freedom or growth
Seeking honesty and consent instead of secrecy or infidelity
Rebuilding connection in a new way
Opening up doesn’t mean your relationship is broken—it often means you’re being honest about wanting something different, together.
Common Emotional Reactions
You might be surprised by how many different feelings show up. And yes, it’s completely normal to feel more than one at a time:
Excitement about new experiences
Jealousy when your partner connects with someone else
Relief that you’re being honest
Anxiety about change or loss
Guilt for feeling “too much” or “not enough”
Grief about leaving behind the relationship you once knew
There’s no right or wrong way to feel. Emotions are part of this process, not a sign you’re failing.
What Is Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM)?
CNM means that everyone involved agrees to have romantic or sexual relationships with more than one person. There are many forms:
Open relationships (sexual connections outside the primary relationship)
Polyamory (multiple loving relationships at once)
Swinging
Relationship anarchy (non-hierarchical, fluid structures)
The key is consent, communication, and emotional honesty.
You're Not "Doing It Wrong" If You Feel Jealous
Jealousy is not a sign of failure. It's a feeling—one that can actually show you what matters.
It may point to:
A need for reassurance
Fear of abandonment
An old story about love and exclusivity
A desire for deeper emotional connection
In therapy, jealousy is something we listen to rather than push away. It often reveals our most vulnerable needs.
What Helps When Things Feel Overwhelming?
1. Be honest—with yourself and your partner.You’re allowed to say: “This is hard” or “I’m not sure how I feel.”
2. Create clear agreements.Boundaries can change over time, but starting with clarity helps build trust.
3. Focus on connection.Keep nurturing your original relationship. Check in emotionally, not just logistically.
4. Use grounding tools.Breathing, journaling, or therapy can help regulate the nervous system during intense emotional shifts.
Still Figuring It Out? That’s Okay.
Some people find freedom in CNM. Others realize it’s not for them. Many fall somewhere in between. This is yourjourney—and your wants and needs can change over time.
Therapy gives you a space to ask hard questions, unpack emotional patterns, and decide what’s right for you—without pressure or judgment.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Opening up a relationship after years of monogamy is courageous, vulnerable work. Whether you're facing fear, joy, confusion, or all of the above—your experience is valid.
Therapy can help you:
Explore what you want
Manage complex feelings like jealousy or guilt
Strengthen communication with your partner
Feel grounded and clear as you navigate change
This isn’t about doing CNM “right.” It’s about discovering what’s true for you—with support along the way.
Looking for Support?
If you're navigating a shift in your relationship, I offer affirming, nonjudgmental therapy for individuals and couples exploring non-monogamy, identity, and emotional clarity.👉 [Contact me here] to schedule a consultation or learn more about how I can support you.
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