Opening Your Relationship: Strength or Desperation

We don’t talk enough about the why behind wanting to open a relationship.

When clients bring this into the therapy room, the question isn’t just logistical—“How do we do this?”—it’s emotional:“Why now?” And often, that’s the heart of it.

Some people approach ethical non-monogamy from a grounded place. They’ve reflected, they've communicated, and their relationship already feels strong. They’re curious, not reactive. Expansive, not escaping.

But others are hanging on by a thread.The emotional connection feels thin. Communication is strained. Needs aren’t being met. And opening the relationship feels less like growth—and more like a last-ditch hope that something will spark change. That difference matters.

Opening a relationship from a place of strength might sound like:

• “We feel secure and want to explore.”

• “There’s nothing missing—just more we’re curious about.”

• “We trust each other and communicate well, even when it’s hard.”

Opening a relationship from a place of desperation might sound like:

• “I’m not getting what I need, but I’m afraid to ask for it.”

• “We’re already disconnected, and maybe this will fix it.”

• “I want to leave, but this feels like the safer first step.”

If that’s where you are—there’s no shame. Many people arrive at non-monogamy through pain or rupture. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay in desperation. That’s where the work begins.

Before making a structural shift in your relationship, ask:

• Are we doing this to explore—or to escape?

• Have we done the work to name our core needs and fears?

• Do we have the emotional tools to navigate what's coming next?

• 
  

Because no structure—monogamy, polyamory, or anything in between—can replace the need for honesty, safety, and emotional clarity.

Opening a relationship might be the right move.Just make sure you're opening the door—not running from a locked room.We don’t talk enough about the why behind wanting to open a relationship. When clients bring this into the therapy room, the question isn’t just logistical—“How do we do this?”—it’s emotional:“Why now?”

And often, that’s the heart of it.

Some people approach ethical non-monogamy from a grounded place. They’ve reflected, they've communicated, and their relationship already feels strong. They’re curious, not reactive. Expansive, not escaping.

But others are hanging on by a thread.The emotional connection feels thin. Communication is strained. Needs aren’t being met. And opening the relationship feels less like growth—and more like a last-ditch hope that something will spark change.

That difference matters.

Opening a relationship from a place of strength might sound like:

• “We feel secure and want to explore.”

• “There’s nothing missing—just more we’re curious about.”

• “We trust each other and communicate well, even when it’s hard.”

• 
  

Opening a relationship from a place of desperation might sound like:

• “I’m not getting what I need, but I’m afraid to ask for it.”

• “We’re already disconnected, and maybe this will fix it.”

• “I want to leave, but this feels like the safer first step.”

  
  

If that’s where you are—there’s no shame. Many people arrive at non-monogamy through pain or rupture. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay in desperation. That’s where the work begins.

Before making a structural shift in your relationship, ask:

• Are we doing this to explore—or to escape?

• Have we done the work to name our core needs and fears?

• Do we have the emotional tools to navigate what's coming next?

  
  

Because no structure—monogamy, polyamory, or anything in between—can replace the need for honesty, safety, and emotional clarity.

Opening a relationship might be the right move.Just make sure you're opening the door—not running from a locked room.